Bourdain’s greatest gift: allowing us to see new worlds through his eyes

“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s OK. The journey changes you; it should change you… You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.”
— Anthony Bourdain

I had everything to gain from wanting to travel as a kid. In a small town like mine, the prospect of venturing out into a world I didn’t understand — meeting unfamiliar people, experiencing unpredictable places, and throwing oneself into new adventures — was something that only happened in the movies or magazines.

Photo: The New Yorker

My trip across the ocean changed all that. It helped change me and my vision of making the world better, or as much as I could. It also introduced me to the beautiful melancholy and wanderlust that travel provides, and when allowed it still washes over my soul like a warm shower in the middle of winter, never quite letting me forget there is still more to do — more people to meet, food to savor or abhor, adventures packed into a life I was only just beginning. I wanted to get lost forever; graduate college and throw myself out into the world, at least for the time it took to see all of it. Name the continent, a city, every micro-journey along the way — I wanted to find it, see it, feel it, taste it. 

It never happened, of course. College came and went, real life intervened. I found my own micro-adventures in Seattle. Loves came and went, next to my work in an industry that didn’t even exist when I graduated college. I was even flown to the Big Apple to try out for a reality show on CBS. In the end, no job, no urban adventure can beat getting lost in the streets of Venice, Italy, or getting trapped in the steel girders of the Eiffel Tower after hours. Kind of hard to live up to.

But Anthony Bourdain was that second chance. The career line cook-turned celebrity chef with the forked tongue showed us that even in the stretch-run of life dreams can still come true, even for a 44 year-old burnout who’d snorted more coke, mainlined more heroin, and burned more bridges than all the cities he’s traveled, combined.

“I looked in the mirror at that time and I saw someone worth saving, or that I wanted to at least try real hard to save.”

His story is one of survival, ironically. Once thrown into the the high-pressure life of a line cook out of high school, the all too-common method of coping was drugs. Heroin, crack, methadone — nothing was off-limits in the pressure-cooker that is the New York restaurant business. From that first bag of heroin on the street corner of Rivington & Bowery in 1980 to being that lonely one in four who actually kicked addiction and stayed off, Bourdain finally saw his future for what it could be — a future that didn’t end at 30.

What followed was one of the great out-of-nowhere stories pop culture has seen in this early 21st century. His New Yorker article Don’t Eat Before Reading This in 1999 and follow-up book Kitchen Confidential in 2000 ushered in a new era of the celebrity TV chef-host — except as opposed to other, more food-centric TV shows, the magic didn’t focus solely on the food. Bourdain needed more.

Photo: National Georgraphic

His stroke of genius in pairing food and travel together had never been done on such a level. More explorer than food critic, Bourdain took his A Cook’s Tour, No Reservations, and Parts Unknown crews around the world to visit cities, regions, and nations the majority of us never will, trying unique cuisine many would never try but were happy to witness. From fetal duck eggs to bull penis and on, we were able to experience the world through the eyes of a man who knew no limits on a planet with an infinite number of experiences. And we got to go along for the ride.

Every episode of every season, Anthony Bourdain gave me that feeling of adventure and discovery like few before him, “edu-taining” us with an inquisitive style that asked questions only he could with the respect his hosts deserved, in front of and behind the camera. There have been multiple accounts of guests being awed by Bourdain’s thoughtfulness and consideration for the subjects he was interviewing, areas his crew was “infesting” while filming, and most of all the knowledge he brought in representing their city, region, or country to the world through his TV show.

It’s for reasons like the above I don’t really understand the furor and hate he’d received upon achieving fame. A lot of fans and the media always called him “the bad boy” of TV food, but I never saw it. He might have talked a little shit with Guy Fieri and others, but in the end he was just communicating his opinion the way a New York City line cook would — unabashed, unashamed, and unguarded. What would you expect from a Jersey boy-gone-gritty line cook in big bad NYC? The only difference is everyone was watching, listening, and paying detailed attention.

In this day and age of brainless and bigoted Trumpism contrasted sharply with insta-trigger-happy outrage culture, Bourdain TV is not simply what the world needs but outright requires. With a movement centered on nationalism-gone-pathological if not pseudo-Nazi-white nationalist, Bourdain showed the world in all its multi-hued, multi-cultural, many-flavored, and unlimited understanding and beauty. He was a walking road map in how to establish relationships with people and cultures unfamiliar to him and his viewers, sit down with those unlike anyone he grew up with, and LEARN who they are, how they got to where they were, and where they as a people wanted to go. Such cultural insights are exactly what America needs right now, at one of the most pivotal points in our country’s history. Bourdain’s death could not have come at a worse time, but that’s not how this works, unfortunately.

Photo: Mario Tomo, CNN

Success gets in the way like that; not even the “best job in the world” (his words), a girlfriend he adored immensely, and the unconditional love of a young daughter could stop the demons swirling in his head. Depression doesn’t just go away with therapy; a living monster, it’s an infestation of the soul that even with constant attention one can only hold at bay. Together with years of drug use, two divorces, and a nine-month production schedule that dragged him to all points on the compass, it’s now obvious Bourdain was struggling.

The one question I found myself asking in the days after his death — after seeing the outpouring of sorrow from a world’s worth of admirers, contemporaries, and family members — would Bourdain have done what he did had he known what he meant to so many? A part of me feels he knew. At that point, that particular night, his life was so dark he just didn’t care anymore. That’s what the monster does. It shoves the sorrow or numbness so deep you can’t see the light anymore.

In the end, we still had so much to see from Anthony Bourdain; so many more years of “edu-tainment” to be had, cultures to explore and learn from, and people to meet. He was the Pied Pieper of culinary travel, but with a healthy dollop of attitude, opinion, and rugged wisdom rather than a flute, simultaneously walking us through a visual road map of “how to live your best life.” It seemed he had everything you’d ever think you’d need; love, family, travel, financial security, and the “best job in the world.”

I suppose if there’s one last thing Anthony Bourdain taught me it’s that peace of mind is the only true currency. I’m not there yet, but I’m damn well focused on finding it, grabbing it by the nose, and never letting go.

If you find yourself struggling with depression and/or suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

“This is as easy as it will ever get, son.”

In this polarizing and confusing era we’re currently experiencing in America (I’m keen to naming it The Great Confusion), there has arisen in this early 21st century a great misguided mindset, misunderstanding, or outright dismissal of grace and self awareness in this age of braggadocio and self-importance, brought on by nothing more than the ability to spout the dumbest shit possible online (and get away with it, for the most part).

Over the last decade and change, we’re seeing contemporary culture at large slowly strip the very concept of what is proper discourse, acceptable behavior, any HINT of journalistic integrity, or again, grace, to shreds. Society then doubles down by coming up with every boorish and absurd justification why it deserves to get offended at everything or why it’s okay our leaders (and apparently any pseudo-celebrity or politician) brag about grabbing vaginas because they can and still come anywhere near the presidency.

Okay, got that out of the way. Whew! Ugly. After all that, I realize my immense fortune in being able to go to a place and find positivity, inspiration, and most of all, perspective, through amazing people in my community. I get to know them in a way that gives me hope, and begin to believe that we haven’t all lost our minds when our phone is in our faces.

A long-time member of my local gym, one might understand if I meet a soul or two with stories to tell — the college grad just getting out in the world, the mid-career professional looking to stay in shape, or the older ladies and gentlemen who are wise in understanding the value of staying healthy through the home stretch of their long lives. Through the days, months, and years, you get to speak to these many people, grow friendly, and hear the occasional story.

“Joe” is an incredibly kind man,  a retired teacher, born and raised right here in Seattle’s Rainier Valley. Joe is also a proud Army veteran of the Vietnam War, and I feel incredibly fortunate he is comfortable enough to speak with me about his experiences. Our conversations feel all the more poignant this week in light of PBS‘s upcoming 10-part documentary The Vietnam War by legendary filmmaker Ken Burns, starting tonight, September 17.

A pilot during the war, Joe experienced his share of hot LZs (“landing zones” for the uninitiated) and all the terrible moments experienced thereby. Joe had brothers who died, brothers who survived, and all the attendant guilt and memories of hell on earth any other vet may have had — all ultimately packed into a mental duffel bag bound for home and the rest of his life, never to be fully unpacked.

Now just imagine if, back in June of ’67, Joe had been literally handed the option to stay home, never deploying to Southeast Asia at all; to alter his own life so fundamentally he wouldn’t have been anywhere near the same person he is now.

Well, that is exactly what happened.

Upon reporting to the medical doctor after being drafted and just prior to deployment, the doctor noticed the young Joe was favoring his left knee. When asked what the issue was, Joe being the “tough guy” he was, said, “Oh, it’s nothin’. Just stiffens up when it gets a little chilly. I’m fine.”

After examining the knee further, the doctor comes back and catches Joe way off guard. He proceeds to tell Joe, look, I’ve seen enough of this knee that it could get you out of this god-awful war. I can get you a deferment. It’s your call.

Mindblown by this unexpected development, Joe starts thinking — how could I do this? How could I not do my part when all our other buddies made the sacrifice? How would it look to the neighborhood to see me turn away because of a knee? He starts asking the doctor questions. Finally, the doc interrupts him and says, hey kid…

“This is as easy as it will ever get, son. Whaddya want to do?”

Not a chance. No thanks, doctor, I’m going with the rest of my fellow draftees.

Joe had the rare opportunity to get out of an unspeakably terrifying situation, walking into a lifetime’s worth of scars, both physical and mental. The chance to start a life with his pregnant wife, start ahead, and never look back. He went anyway. Now, even Joe understands that side of the equation. He’s not the one bragging about answering the call. It’s a tempting scenario — hey, the doctor gave you a pass, and with that knee, who knows who you might compromise in the heat of the fight when your knee doesn’t react the way it’s supposed to. Other people may have physical injuries that really would compromise their abilities in the field. But Joe knew the truth.

Joe risked everything in his life because he knew he had to do his part, to carry his own water. You want to talk about nightmares, how about looking returning Vietnam veterans in the eyes for the rest of your life knowing in your heart you should have been there, too? Yeah, the doctor didn’t clear you, sure, but you knew your abilities and your heart.

Hearing this story flow out of Joe’s mouth, I was overtaken by immense appreciation for his choice, his sacrifice, and the life he’s led. A teacher for more than 30 years, he’s got a few teachable moments yet.

Now, refer back to the astoundingly petty crap that gets sent out on social media and popular culture every minute of every day. Looking ahead 42 years after the last Marine boot stepped off the Saigon embassy onto a Huey effectively ending the Vietnam War, is this the state we wanted to find ourselves?

 

 

Playing It Small vs. Taking Action: What’s it going to be?

Oh, it’s safe to say we have all been there at one time or another.

A certain opportunity presents itself and we have a choice to make — do we take that leap into an uncertain outcome or unforeseeable future, or do we slowly back away, going with our natural instincts to protect ourselves from the inevitable?

I have confronted many of those moments; some avenues I took, others I backed away. And I can tell you right now, the vast majority of those times I backed away turned out to be the wrong move. Alternatively, I rarely regretted the moments I leaped. I’m sure you have similar experiences.

Life coach, CNN contributor, and motivational speaker Mel Robbins doesn’t mince words on Tom Bilyeu’s Impact Theory earlier this year when talking about finding the motivation, inspiration, or courage in making the decision to take action in your life.

While I would conceptually go with “inspiration” rather than “motivation”, it’s true nonetheless — WE’RE NEVER GOING TO BE AS READY AS WE BELIEVE WE NEED TO BE. It’s a false reality we’ve constructed in our brains to excuse LACK OF ACTION. I believe I can say that because it’s happened to me repeatedly in my life.  The risk represented itself larger than the reward. I got fooled, I got took. I got barnswoggled.

And I paid the price.

I’ve lived long enough to know when I hear, from myself or others, the excuse that the “timing wasn’t right” to follow through on a goal. At least 90% of the time it was pure bullshit. Nonsense. Excuses.

That act of protecting myself from the unknown dangers, actual or perceived, is REAL, and it’s high time we’re honest with ourselves about how it affects us. The concept of RISK is a very powerful force that can pull our minds away from the best life can offer us. I can offer proof of that. The second we can admit “The Spotlight Effect” is shining its bright light on us in the moments that matter we can confront it, recognize it for what it is, and defeat it.

No inspirational post from Lewis Howes, no kick-you-in-the-ass vlog from Gary Vaynerchuk, got me to write this post. The time is never going to be “right” for me to come up with a brilliant “light bulb” theme for my blog or decide on my next career avenue. All I know is that ideas without ACTION are worthless. Mel said it above:

“What has changed my life is waking up and realizing that motivation is garbage; I’m never going to feel like doing the things that are tough or difficult or uncertain or scary or new, so I need to stop waiting until I feel like it.”

It’s never going to be that “perfect moment.” Let us, you and I, take action in our lives NOW.

 

Why Talent is Only Part of the Equation

Something just clicked with me when I watched Nike‘s latest “ad” featuring Cristiano Ronaldo. Next to Lionel Messi, Ronaldo is by all accounts the best soccer/football player on the planet. But what did it take to make that happen? The prevailing thought is Cristiano by nature possessed the inherent, God-given physical tools to make it possible to reach the elite.

Here’s the deal — success and fulfilling that kind of potential depends on so much more than that. All the great athletes — Ali, Jordan, et al. have stories of not simply relying on talent to achieve their dreams. They knew their natural abilities were merely a gateway to the true challenge — working with all their might, making that sacrifice, to do the tasks and take the risks others wouldn’t to achieve the results they never could.

In the ad above, you saw that after “the switch” Charlie now had the physical tools to reach the big time, but he still needed the “want to”, the drive to make it happen. Not everyone has that next gear, the work ethic needed in order to make the possible a reality.

As great as that example was, Ronaldo’s switch is the biggest lesson. He had everything — the physical gifts to be the best. After the switch, he was back to square one. What did he do? He ratcheted up again, accepted the challenge, and fulfilled the maximum of his new body and mind. That’s the lesson; the difference isn’t in the body, it’s between the ears.

Are you doubting your capability to get to where you want to go and fulfill what you want? If so, this video is a great example that you CAN DO IT. It just depends on how far you’re willing to go, how much you’re willing to sacrifice, and what you’re willing to DO to realize (surpass?) the full scope of your dreams. At 41, I know for a fact the best of Mike Barbre has yet to be seen.

What about you?

#MikeAt40: What I’ve learned halfway through the game

Trying to sum up the first 40 years of a lifetime is like a first-time skydiver describing the experience as “breezy.” There are just far too many memories and experiences to share. The following list would never end.

Therefore, I’ve thrown down some random thoughts; observations, nuggets of wisdom, reckless opinions. Many of these you may or may not agree with, which is kind of the point. If you haven’t done this, try it. Kind of funny what you can come up with, what ideas pop into your head, and which of those ideas will never see the light of day. I’ll never cover the amount of ground I’d like. There are takeaways I could tell you from my first day of kindergarden in 198- . Yeah, never mind.

I was born 32 hours, 46 minutes before the last American, a Marine, stepped onto a chopper from the roof of the U.S. embassy in Saigon, ending the Vietnam War. I think that’s pretty cool.

It’s a common saying now, but it couldn’t be more true: it’s not what happens to you, it’s how you react to it. 

Growing up, we all followed a consistent daily routine — school, extracurricular activities (sports), homework, dinner and TV, bed — I look back and admire the routine, comfort, efficiency, the dependable nature of it. When I’m a parent, that routine will return, and I welcome it.

If you have an active aversion to change, life has a way of fixing that right up for you. Rather than avoid it, find it within yourself to embrace it. Makes life a lot easier (and a lot more fun!).

After all these years living in a big city, it still amazes me the kindness that exists in people, just as it still surprises me how ugly, selfish, and self-serving we can be.

The trick is keeping the faith there are more good people than bad, surrounding yourself with them, and never allowing the bad near your light.

Cynicism and pessimism rarely solve anything. I hear way too much of it these days, especially online from people who either want to outsmart the room, starving for acknowledgement, or both. You don’t sound intelligent. You sound like an asshole.

I am not exempt from this scenario. Clearly.

My greatest strength is my persistence. #BluntInstrument

My greatest weakness is not knowing when to quit.

Louis CK givin’ the ol’ No. 1 to hair loss.

When I realized I was losing my hair, it wasn’t some dramatic sense of doom and gloom. You just realize, hey, there is literally nothing you can do. It was more like, “So, this is how it’s going to be. Wow, okay then.”
You just gotta make it look good which, of course, I do.

Now…would I take my glorious head of hair back in a second? Hell. Yes.

Growing up, I thought Generation X would be the difference. Turns out Gen X is no different from the Baby Boomers, the Greatest Generation, or any other era. It’s not my intent to be negative, necessarily. I’ve simply re-evaluated my personal beliefs to reflect the fact that at this point in our evolution, the human condition is simply incapable of learning from its mistakes.

I still believe, though, and we should never stop trying, never stop improving. It’s always up to us.

Know your worth, and those who aren’t worth it.

Some people are in your rear-view for a reason.

Eating whatever I wanted at even, say, 36, had NONE of the consequences of eating whatever I want at 40. The days of an endless “churn and burn” metabolism are over. Boy, I had a helluva run, though.

Some lessons must be learned again.

My sense of humor is always changing. I always admired my buddies who could pull out one-liners or laughers whenever they wanted. My funnies depend on multiple factors, mostly good. Around some, I whip ’em out and kill the room. With other people or groups it’s much more subtle, more like a dry wit. Sometimes I’m as humorless as a rock. Sorry, just don’t have it. More often than not, it depends on the company.

So very true: If you don’t respect yourself, no one else will.

At my core, I’m a farm boy living in the big city. It’s funny how so many of my friends in Seattle can’t imagine me on a farm.

I’ve ignored that “gut feeling” far too many times in my life.

The Seahawks have taught me more than a few lessons to live by. Here are just a few:

1) Appreciate the little victories. Moral victories can, in fact, be valuable.
2) There will come a time, though, when they’re not enough. These are called “the good days”.
3) Unceasing, unbreakable, unshakeable loyalty
4) Accepting there are things you have no control over.
Then again, when you have an opportunity, JUMP ON IT.
5) It’s not over ’til it’s over; put the final nail in the coffin; step on their throats; finish the job.
6) I’m more Curt Warner than Richard Sherman. At times, I wish I was the reverse.
7) Life isn’t fair — Fredd Young reversed INT call in ’87 Wild Card; Testaverde in ’98; getting screwed in XL
8) Petty or not, East Coast bias is real.
9) Discovering your heroes, then learning and accepting said heroes are, in fact, fallible
10) There is always someone better. (until you win it all; SB XLVIII)

The very best way to be “cool” is doing your own thing. Do what you love, what you’re passionate about. Do what YOU like to do. The advantages, in whatever form, will come sooner or later.

I’ve avoided math like the yellow fever since Math 100 in college. I can’t believe I just told the world about that Math 100 class. I killed it, though. So there’s that.

Find a way not to brood and simmer over your mistakes or opportunities you missed. It does nothing for you. You are where you are. Adjust to the situation and make it better.

I still marvel at the world. I love that about myself. The inherent, natural ability a spider has in their DNA to spin a web with absolute precision still astounds me. I can barely cut my toenails correctly.

Guilt is one of the most destructive feelings to shake. It manifests and expresses itself in so many ways, and I can’t think of any that are actually healthy.

I still want to travel. When I got back from Europe in ’94, my life was irrevocably altered. Easily one of the biggest and best experiences and lessons I’ve ever had. How would you NOT want to travel as much as you can?? There’s SO MUCH to see, experience, learn, and appreciate out there.

One of my favorite quotes: “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.” — Mark Twain

Wow, if i could meet anyone? That’s a long line. But seriously, who wouldn’t want to meet Jesus?? Just think of all the brass-tacks questions you could ask! From the source Himself. HELL YEAH!!!

After that? Probably Einstein.

I’m going to be a pretty good dad. Unless I just jinxed myself. Hey, it happens.

I am nothing without my family. The depth of my love for them isn’t even quantifiable.

I remember my family drinking coffee at my grandmother’s on the farm and trying it. I LIKED IT. If you know me at all, this makes perfect sense.

Looking back, I wish I’d have kept up with the piano. I’ve always said I was right at that point, that event horizon, where had I continued I might have gotten really good. My family might have a different take. I was so sick and tired of practicing, though. Practicing for 30 minutes was like torture. Just a half-hour!! That in itself should have told me something. I think it’s important to be able to play an instrument, though. Hey, the chicks dig it.

When the buddies put out word we are to assemble for drinks:

Nothing will ever replace the late summer afternoon view on the farm. 

Does Ron Judd Speak For Every PNW “Native”?

What is a “native Pacific Northwesterner” ? How is one defined as being a true native of the “Upper Left”?

Sitting down to an easy, relaxing, and surprisingly sunny Seattle Saturday on Alki Beach last weekend, the answer came in the form of an interesting perspective by the Seattle Times‘ satirist-in-residence Ron Judd in his Pacific Northwest magazine article titled “If you weren’t born in the Pacific Northwest, you’ll never be one of us“. I do hope I got his “satirist” title correct, because there’s a few details I need cleared up.

If you haven’t actually read the article yet, you might want to do that before making your way through the rest of this blog post. While I typically enjoy Judd’s weekly stuff, how can he seriously justify his position on what makes a Pacific Northwesterner? I’m a farmer’s son from Central Washington, and I can tell you unequivocally I am a dyed-in-the-wool, true-to-the-blue Pacific Northwesterner. Not once did he clarify there were other regions in the PNW other than Western Washington in the piece. Look, I understand the market to which he’s trying to appeal, but the generalization that only Pacific Northwesterners live on the west side of the Cascades is small-minded, simple, self-serving, and frankly, elitist (which seems to be his attitude through the majority of this article).

But let’s put all that aside for the true point of the piece which is “if you aren’t a native-born Seattleite or Puget Sounder, you’ll never be one of us, or understand what we’re about.” I know more than a few of whom he referred to as “encroachers” who fit the bill than many who were born and raised here. People move here from all over the country and the world to take advantage of the rainy months, take pleasure in walking to work in galoshes, hiking the surrounding mountains, or fishing their brains out in the various rivers every weekend. In turn, I also know more than a few (many, in fact) native-born and bred Pacific Northwesterners who have a fit when their hair gets wet going to work.

By now, I’m pretty sure you get my point; while I didn’t grow up in Birkenstocks and wading boots, I AM one of you, a true-blue Pacific Northwesterner whether Ron Judd can handle it or not. I simply grew up in the wheat fields and am very much the outdoorsy type. I just did my thing on the other side of the Cascades.

Even his list of characteristics of this region’s inhabitants toward the end got me between the eyes. While I do enjoy the wintry rain and soggy gray clouds in January, get a load of the title for a particular section: “The heat, my God, the heat.” REALLY?? You’re complaining about the HEAT during a Seattle summer?? If you can’t handle the exquisitely warm offerings of a Seattle summer, get ready for heat stroke if you ever visit anywhere else in the country; specifically the Southwest, Midwest, Northeast, or the brutal Southeast regions. You won’t survive.

In addition, when you claimed we “merely tolerate, rather than enjoy” summers here in Western Washington, you were on drugs, right? You can be honest, Ron. Point of fact, I cannot think of a single person I know who avoids the warm rays of the sun until fall rears its head. When the sun shines its glorious orb to the Northern Hemisphere the natives come out of the woodwork.

Was Ron Judd speaking for every Pacific Northwesterner? I’m sure some individuals who just want to make noise would agree. But even people in the same cultural regions have different views of themselves, different preferences. That is, in fact, what makes Seattle and Western Washington so special to begin with; the diverse ideas, thoughts, and beliefs. It’s the reason I moved here, and it’s the reason I’ve stayed.

5 Job-Seeking Realities Rediscovered In 2013

Let’s just say my plans for 2013 were a little higher than reality determined suitable. End of ’12 had a great contract job fall right in my lap. I couldn’t have scripted it better. Networking event, company looking for a Social Media Specialist, interviewed 48 hours later, hired that night. Life provides those “highs,” and December 5, 2012, was definitely one of those. I was on cloud 9 for a good while afterwards. Unfortunately, a couple months later, I was back where I’d been. Though the rest of the year didn’t get much better, there are a few tidbits of experience I can provide after 10 months out here in the wild. Now, you might look at some of these as being on the side of obvious, but when you’re looking up to where you were, it’s easy to forget.

• Trite but true: Someone’s always got it worse

Throughout this last year, for whatever reason I’ve been on the outside looking in on more than a few employment opportunities. Jobs I felt I should have had yet for whatever reason didn’t work out (too much experience/not enough experience/baldness/poor interviewer/could I be an asshole?). Get over it. I’ve had friends struggle with fundamental, existence-altering loss in one way or another; unexpected death in the family, divorce, separation, their long-time dog died, whatever. None of these things happened to me. What you’re going through, by comparison, matters little. This is a time when your perspective muscles, while admittedly tough to do, need to be exercised. It’s not a fun exercise at times, to be sure, but if you’re going to get from here to there, concentration and focus on that next step is paramount.

• Don’t expect your friends to come through for you

Let me clarify; fantasizing about a friend calling and telling you that your Dream Job just opened up somewhere is one thing. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t have such dreams. But being frustrated because you haven’t been forwarded any recent jobs by your friends simply isn’t fair. Your friends have their own lives to live, their own problems, their own jobs, their own battles. You can’t lie back and expect your buddies to hook you up. It’s YOUR job to get out there and make it happen. Through your own day-in, day-out effort, that’s when you start to see those unforeseen opportunities inexplicably fall in your lap. It IS pretty cool when it happens, and you have every right to credit yourself (and, of course, your friend) with the reason it became possible.

• It might take longer than you expected

You never know why you didn’t get selected for any of those jobs you applied or interviewed for. Could be one out of a thousand reasons. Doesn’t matter. And don’t bother trying to ask WHY you didn’t get the job; they won’t tell you. I’ve tried it and they’ve rarely responded. Lawsuits, you know? Best thing you can do is keep moving forward, correct any mistakes, don’t over-think it, and focus on the next opportunity. Unfortunately it might be awhile; they tend to come in bunches. Either way, it’s a war of attrition and you’re the first and last line of defense. This is where you need to remain strong-minded, strong-willed, and confident in your abilities. No one said it was going to be easy, and it certainly isn’t for me.

• Want to stay sane while you job search? Stay ACTIVE

Get out and DO STUFF. I can’t emphasize this enough. Do anything. Hiking, working out, Internet dating, whatever. Whether it’s taking up a new hobby, joining a group, or traveling, you can’t simply sit in your home watching Ellen re-runs, chowing Pringles and expect everything to get better. Setting aside the fact staying active is actually good for your health and probably something you should have been doing anyway, it’s also good for your self-esteem, especially in this type of life situation. Studies consistently show that getting outside and exercising regularly releases pain-reducing endorphins into your system, boosting your mood, and reducing rates of depression. (WebMD article) I can tell you from personal experience, it works. Not necessarily 24 hours a day but in the hours during and after, get your lungs and muscles some exercise, and your mood will follow. You might be jobless, but hey, those 6-pack abs can do wonders for that self-esteem.

• Become a fixture on the networking circuit

Okay, okay, I understand this might be the most obvious of the five realities I’ve presented. I’m still bringing it up because, for some, it’s also the toughest to do. Not everyone is good at going up to random strangers and establishing a mutually positive dialogue. I just lucked out, I suppose. I’m pretty good at it. The more you’re putting yourself out there and making the effort to helping others, the better chance you have to encounter someone who might have something available or know of one. I got my last job at a networking event hosted by online marketing influencer Lewis Howes. My buddy introduced me to someone who just happened to have available the job I was looking for. Turned out just the way I envisioned. I had to go out and get it, though. It wouldn’t have happened at all if I’d simply checked out jobs online — a chore I’m now near-convinced is a ridiculous waste of time.

There are always exceptions to the rule – a reality as factual as any listed above. Losing a job is tough, while finding your next opportunity can be just as hard. But if you go out into that post-job existence with at least these five realities locked in your arsenal, you’ll be much better prepared to take what the job-seeking world has to dish out.

Can anyone stop Instagram??

Now you can ham it up privately on Instagram.

It seems to me Instagram is starting to become that unstoppable Marvel Comics universe “Apocalypse“-like killing machine in social sharing. Attention-grabbing photos put together with image-enhancing features, paired with valuable content your followers eat up every day. Adding 15 seconds-or-less video to its sharing options, despite a few initial gripes here and there, hasn’t stopped its popularity.

And now, even those features aren’t filling the quota on what they want to do. Instagram has now invaded the photo sharing market currently dominated by SnapChat with private “Instagram Direct”. I can’t imagine Instagram won’t be taking an apocalyptic bite into SnapChat’s screen time in the near future.

Hindsight of course is 20/20, but who thinks SnapChat should have grabbed that billion Facebook threw at them? Take a look at the video then tell me what you think of Instagram in the comments below!

More Than My Share

A life without thanks is a life that hasn’t been lived yet. That’s really the only way I can encompass what I feel in myself in this moment. It’s important to include that word “yet” at the end. There is no end-point on that journey. It’s never too late to rediscover that overwhelming sense of appreciation in the world around us. It’s an every-moment, 365 kind of deal that can only be lost if you allow it. I still feel fortunate there’s an observed day in our calendar for that all-too brief time to say, and even more so, to give, to those people or treasures that have given our lives so much meaning, purpose, and love. Then again, the season can also serve in providing the opportunity to surrender to forgiveness. It can be focused towards someone else but it’s funny how, more often than not, we realize we’re struggling for forgiveness in ourselves. One of the more difficult obstacles in life to achieve it can also be, not coincidentally the greatest, and most freeing, gift of all.

There are aspects in my life with which I’m struggling yet I have very little, nothing actually, I cannot be thankful for. I have more than so many, an amazing family whose patience and belief in me has been endless. I have friends, both personal and professional, who have provided relief, memories, and rock-solid optimism during these not-so-easy times. I’m thankful to these people because of who they are, the joy they engender in others, and the comfort provided in good times and bad. I can only hope I’ve granted those friends a semblance of the support they have given me.

Thanksgiving is indeed more than a holiday, just as the wise and graceful man said above. The weekend can be a time of reconnection with friends or family, a time of healing, a time of forgiveness, a time of peace, a time of understanding, a time of reflection, or even a time of re-evaluation. Any or all of these and more can be tied into giving thanks for the fortunes we value in our lives, however small.

Thanksgiving can be anything in this world you decide it needs to be. What does this holiday mean for you this year? Please let me know in the comments below.

No Email, No Problem: How To Message A Non-Connection On LinkedIn

Step 1: Choose a mutual group

As I’ve continued my job search this year, LinkedIn has become my go-to resource to find the best jobs and job contacts. From updating my profile, sharing pertinent news and info of the day, contributing to groups, or finding the right contact to address my job application, LinkedIn’s where I go.

Those who don’t utilize LinkedIn may ask, “Why not just use email?” Well, if the dynamic is right and if you feel the topic, situation, and your status with the person calls for it, feel free. When you’re networking, though, a cold email might not be the best route. LinkedIn messaging can be a better fit when trying to make a connection to a fellow professional you don’t necessarily know well.

The problem is when you want to connect with someone or message them on LinkedIn but don’t have their required email address. You could use Google and hope to get lucky, but that might be a little on the creepy side. 

Step 2: Click on the member count.

Here are 4 easy steps to send a message to a contact while bypassing the traditional “Connect” button.

1) After clicking on your potential contact’s profile, find a group near the bottom of their profile page of which you’re both a member. (NOTE: If you don’t share a mutual group with your contact, this messaging option won’t work)

2) When you land on the group page, find the number of total group members located just to the left of the gray “Member” button on the upper right of the group page. Click on it.

Step 3: Enter the connection’s name in the Search box.

3) When the member page comes up, type in the name of your contact in the search box and hit Enter.

4) When the contact’s name comes up, click on the 3rd option under their position title, “Send message.” The message box will show up. That’s it. Type up a tone-appropriate and friendly message!

A lot of people might think this is just as creepy as sending a spam email to someone you don’t even know. In some situations, yes. But again, It’s a whole different medium than email. It’s a social world now, and networking in this way is the name of the game. It’s also up to you to know the dynamic of the situation, conduct the right tone, and know when the right time is to direct message that connection who can make all the difference in your job search.